A huge day! I had only been at home dialysis training for 4 days and I inserted my own needles. It blew me away. This was something that I thought would be so scary, something I would take forever to learn, perhaps even the whole 4 weeks I was at training.
The last 3 times I have been at dialysis I have accessed my fistula myself. The nurse has been close by, well close enough and far enough away that she doesn’t get any arterial spray, lol, but I did it all by myself. I am so proud.
On Friday I had a bit of a lapse, well, Jay and I ended up calling it an anxiety attack. I placed the arterial needle into my arm with absolutely no problem. Then I placed the venous needle – I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t hard to do, I pushed the needle in as easily as I had the previous day but all of a sudden I just felt short of breath. There was no reason for it – anxiety just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I felt like I was floundering. My biggest worry is that my confidence may have been depleted. I will go in on Monday with a positive mindset, telling myself that I will not have another anxiety attack because I can do this!
A bit of an explanation, in simple terms, the arterial needle – this is where the blood is drawn out of my arm, into the machine, through the artificial kidney, back through the machine after it has been cleaned and fluid taken out. The venous needle is used to pump the cleaned blood back into my body.
Jay and I have learned so much and we continue to learn more as the days go on. We are both exhausted, getting up at 4 am to be at the hospital by 7.30 am is a bit of a killer but we are just looking longingly at the prize. Dialysis at home will change our lives, give us back a life and this is exactly what we need.
Ten months ago our lives changed, and not for the better. My kidneys failed. I was rushed into surgery to get a tube put into my chest so that I could start dialysis immediately. Several bouts of pneumonia later and I still wasn’t feeling better. Ten months later I still don’t feel great, dialysis makes me tired. A fellow dialysis patient explained this to me. People with normal kidney function are filtering the toxins out of their blood 24/7. People like me are only filtering the toxins every time they have dialysis, at this point in time for me that is 4 hours, 4 days a week. My body is always tired, I hate it, I hate dialysis but I am also thankful as it is keeping me alive.
I am lucky I am not alone on this journey, I have the amazing support of Jay who is constantly by my side and learning everything he has to learn. He is an absolute wiz at setting up my dialysis machine, the nurse can’t believe how quick we are.
Most days we get to Sydney Dialysis Centre in St Leonards at 7.30 am, Jay has the machine set up, I have my needles in and I am hooked up to the machine by 8 am. Another patient in my room came in at the same time as us last Friday, started to set up his machine, etc. He was finally hooked up and dialysing at 9.30 am – holy moly batman! We are quick as whips!
Some days finding the blessings in my world, especially when travelling in the car, then sitting for 4 hours, travelling back home in the car brings me much pain. I am blessed though, blessed with true love from Jay, pure love from Jersey (my furbaby) and life. I can breathe, live and laugh, most of all I can smile, a bright, beaming smile that touches all the lives around me. Thanks to my donor I am still here to live, laugh, breathe and smile – bless.
